So its almost midnight. It is often that I find myself close to midnight wanting to document my thoughts.
I find myself creatively inclined lately- I want to paint, or make a movie. Mostly climbing movies, I fantasize about the exact moment a song kicks in and takes the viewer to a level where they experience entertainment and inspiration at the same time. The right music to accompany the right rythym of motion between that micro crip launch to the sandy flat top out of some imaginatively incredible line. So I have been taking pictures, on my camera phone. Anticipating a moment in which I am so motivated as to go to Texas Art Supply and pick up some materials to make that mosaic ashtray, or painting, or go to pottery class.... or whatever.
Either way, I am too unmotivated with climbing to even consider motivation in another plane of media.
Things are so ritualistic. Sexy.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Make the most.
If only I could find a way to escape the dregs of the city and explore the wild frontier... similar to lewis and clark or something, only with my dog, my cell phone, and wifi. Maybe a guidebook or two. That would be great. But instead I am writing code today, its very exciting.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Up and Away.
Lemme start by saying how proud I am to be me, even if sometimes I act a little crazy or stubborn or selfish or dum dum or... like a wuss.... whatever. I love my life an wouldn't change a thing.
That said. I miss my old life.... I used to study, and work, and climb... I putzed around for an entire year just searching for some relief from what it takes to live a 'normal' life. Steady job, steady home, routines.... not that I can't find routine in pure chaos, just that I prefer my old methods of madness to the methods I employ today to keep my sanity....
For clarity- I graduated from the University of Arkansas just over a year ago- I cleaned out my house with an epic garage sale, packed my car up with a crashpad and my faithful companion, Honey, and we mozied about trying to create some resemblance of happiness just finding zen in even the most ridiculous of realities. My goal was to climb-- but the hidden objective was to discover what it was like to live a life without responsibilities... what would happen, how would that change me? I spent 5 weeks in Hueco Tanks and pretty much the only things I discovered were that if I tried, I could actually excel in bouldering and that no matter what situation I put myself in, I was still going to be me.
To my chagrin, the 5 weeks away from societal and parental pressure did not give me the clarity and understanding I was searching for. In a way it was even better, the answer is that there isn't an answer. There is no formula... you just do what you do and interpret the results the only way that you can do as an individual. I mean, that isn't to say that if I had a near death/life experience that I might be a little different. But in the simplest way I can describe... everyone handles things differently-- and its not an attitude you can control, its just the way you interpret and learn from the experiences you have. And really, as disappointing as that is, it is also pretty enlightening.
Flash forward to today- I am 24, I live in Houston..... I grew up here and definitely have a fondness for this place... but really it has never represented who I am. And now that I have had a taste of living on my own and I have discovered the magic of the mountains, it is really hard to be totally comfortable with the idea of being here long term.... maybe I should save this kind of reading for another time-- but honestly, although I doubt anybody has made it this far down my post, this is my first attempt to putting this out there.... on paper, or blog, or whatever.... do you remember xanga? that shit was the bomb.... anyway...... I can't wait to see what is to come in this life, whatever it is, I am excited to live it.
More about me and my climbing later... I will be sure to explain it all like Clarissa... till then, it is 11pm here in McAllen, TX aka Mexico and the tequila is starting to make my eyes flutter....
That said. I miss my old life.... I used to study, and work, and climb... I putzed around for an entire year just searching for some relief from what it takes to live a 'normal' life. Steady job, steady home, routines.... not that I can't find routine in pure chaos, just that I prefer my old methods of madness to the methods I employ today to keep my sanity....
For clarity- I graduated from the University of Arkansas just over a year ago- I cleaned out my house with an epic garage sale, packed my car up with a crashpad and my faithful companion, Honey, and we mozied about trying to create some resemblance of happiness just finding zen in even the most ridiculous of realities. My goal was to climb-- but the hidden objective was to discover what it was like to live a life without responsibilities... what would happen, how would that change me? I spent 5 weeks in Hueco Tanks and pretty much the only things I discovered were that if I tried, I could actually excel in bouldering and that no matter what situation I put myself in, I was still going to be me.
To my chagrin, the 5 weeks away from societal and parental pressure did not give me the clarity and understanding I was searching for. In a way it was even better, the answer is that there isn't an answer. There is no formula... you just do what you do and interpret the results the only way that you can do as an individual. I mean, that isn't to say that if I had a near death/life experience that I might be a little different. But in the simplest way I can describe... everyone handles things differently-- and its not an attitude you can control, its just the way you interpret and learn from the experiences you have. And really, as disappointing as that is, it is also pretty enlightening.
Flash forward to today- I am 24, I live in Houston..... I grew up here and definitely have a fondness for this place... but really it has never represented who I am. And now that I have had a taste of living on my own and I have discovered the magic of the mountains, it is really hard to be totally comfortable with the idea of being here long term.... maybe I should save this kind of reading for another time-- but honestly, although I doubt anybody has made it this far down my post, this is my first attempt to putting this out there.... on paper, or blog, or whatever.... do you remember xanga? that shit was the bomb.... anyway...... I can't wait to see what is to come in this life, whatever it is, I am excited to live it.
More about me and my climbing later... I will be sure to explain it all like Clarissa... till then, it is 11pm here in McAllen, TX aka Mexico and the tequila is starting to make my eyes flutter....
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